Talking Story with Say Leadership Coaching

The Biggest Sin in Business Today

A Preface for Talking Story:
Right upfront, this post is a bit longer than most (my rants turned into stories usually turn out that way.) However I think this is important, and I hope you will take the time to read this, and choose it as one of those posts you copy and share with your staff in your next huddle: This concerns them too. Get their help.

Planning ahead:
Today’s post presents a problem, and my follow-up post Thursday will present what I feel to be a big part of the solution we can collaborate on.

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We interrupt our normal programming of Tuesdays’ leadership topics to talk about Ho‘okipa: Aloha inspired customer service. But then again, everything is about leadership —or the tragic absence of it.

I need your help

I recently set a goal to write about exceptional customer service in our Hawai‘i nei, for we are the land of Aloha, right? I love spreading the good word about how our values play out every day the way they do. So I went in search of a new story I could share with you and also build a presentation around (my Ho‘okipa class schedule resumes in September), one which would inspire and motivate us anew as we Ho‘ohana together.

Unfortunately I failed. In fact, I ended up with a rant I had to sleep on and tone down. I hate when my writing slips into any negativity at all, however I also seek to write about what’s current and about the way things are; I have learned that it’s best to tell the truth, even when it is less than pleasant. So I need your help in creating a new truth I can write about.

Here’s the story the way it played out.

It’s not because of the recession

Last week was one of assorted errand-running for me; it happened to be one of those times I could batch the things I had to get done into workdays which were scheduled close to home. So I lined up those appointments which fall into the category I’ve come to call, “the business of life” —servicing my car, going to the dentist, picking up a printer I’d taken in to repair; those sorts of things. I was sure I would have lots of opportunities to work on my Ho‘okipa writing goal.

The businesses I happened to visit would all qualify as those who are more recession-proof than most; competitive pricing and discretionary patronage isn’t really part of the picture. Consider the dentist: Skipping your semi-annual appointment with the hygienist can really come back to haunt you. When you (the customer) seek out these basic-need, business of life companies, you just need them, period, and you’re counting on them performing well for you. Chances are you’ll need them again one day in the future, and so you have this vested interest in them; you truly are pulling for them, wanting them to succeed and do well, remaining in business for the long haul. You know they support you, and you are willing to support them.

Customers want to feel smart

A good part of this wanting them to do well, is that you ARE going to pay for their products and services because you do need them; due to different variables, you feel that your choices are limited. So you want to pat yourself on the back for being an intelligent, rational and choosy consumer, making a smart choice even if reality bites and you don’t really have that much of a choice at all.

Sometimes you’ll feel this way on O‘ahu, but when you live on a neighbor island “slim-pickings” can be quite the understatement, and you learn to live with scarcity and the so-called “price of paradise” at the extreme ends of the scale. When I took my run yesterday morning they were changing the price at my neighborhood gas station to $3.27 for regular unleaded – and the cars were patiently lined up, waiting their turn to obligingly swipe in their plastic charge cards for a full tank.

Sadly, the businesses I visited over the last week were a bitter disappointment. They made me feel like a dummy customer and a victim of their complacency – pure yuck.

I didn’t have much choice with certain things – for instance, where I live, my spare tire had to make a 45-mile drive for me to get a new one from the only place which had it in stock (which doesn’t necessarily mean the new tire would match my other ones; it doesn’t). I waited over an hour past the time they committed to having it done, two hours altogether for a 15-minute tire change, and then just as I gratefully approached my ‘finished’ car to leave, I noticed that the tire pressure was so off balance the car looked visibly crooked.

The mechanic didn’t disagree when I pointed it out to him and asked him to recalibrate the tire pressure for all four tires; he did so. However I felt so deflated and disappointed; how dare they make me feel like a fool for choosing them? How dare they make me feel grateful to finally leave them and their stifling hot waiting room, where no one bothered to let me know the job would take longer? How could I be so foolishly accepting of a new tire which cost me $131.73 (yep, one tire) and so much aggravation, a price tag I paid without a second thought or complaint? How dare they make me now feel that it wasn’t a good choice to have been there at all, and I was the one who was wrong, dumb enough not to chance driving another twenty miles on my spare tire to give my business to someone else?

Is there a pulse here?

This is just one example of what I think of as the biggest sin committed in business today: complete mediocrity. By the time the week was over I’d collected a few more unfortunate stories which gave me a very severe case of Ho‘okipa withdrawal. I was craving some exceptional service somewhere, or even uneventful service, but from lively and engaged people! My expectations were getting so low, that surely the warmth of Aloha alone would trump product and service quality, wouldn’t it?

I am sure that no one working at the businesses I visited wanted to do a bad job, or deliberately set out to get me (believe me, I know that being a nice customer works much better than being a complaining one).

No one intentionally lied to me, and no one was rude to me. They did something worse: Either they ignored me or took me for granted.

No one abused me or flagrantly ripped me off (I don’t think… please let my ignorance be bliss, and don’t tell me what you paid for the tire you last bought for what is one of the most common cars found on our roads today).

It seemed that no one had enough energy to intentionally be awful; they just kinda slumped their way into a downslide, and then they stayed there.

No one seemed to have a pulse. Everyone was just so blah and uninspired. So going through the motions unremarkable. In fact, they weren’t even passably good. They skipped steps and didn’t even notice that they did.

The biggest sin in business is mediocrity

Customers today expect more, even if you are the only game in town. If anything, we the customers who feel forced to patronize you for basic needs feel that you’ve been assured of our continuing business, and thus are able to do better – you’re the one with a palpable revenue stream right now! We can clearly see your veins; an example is the monthly bill we get for your ‘utility,’ but your pulse with not taking us for granted is getting alarmingly weak and hard to find.

I didn’t wait two hours for that new tire because they had too little business, but because they had too much business and couldn’t keep up. And it wasn’t an unexpected jump in business – they’re always like that. The only customers who actually wait in their establishment are those like me who live the coastline drive away. When they got behind, they didn’t seem to care; when a customer sitting in your waiting room for hours doesn’t make you or your staff uncomfortable, something is very, very wrong.

I don’t blame any of this on the recession.
I blame it on a lack of energy, the absence of imagination, and the death of creativity and vitality that results from poor leadership and poor management.

Your employees and partners blame it on you too, even if they are the ones doing a rotten job or uninspired and mediocre work. You’re not around or engaged enough as their leader, managing and leading enough to improve things. You are settling for less than is possible, no matter how horrible the economy might get – attentive energy isn’t totally dependent on your bank account. There is always something to be improved and reinvigorated; there is always someone to be coached into achieving their full potential.

Your customers blame it on you too. As is the local way, they will generally be very forgiving of your employees – I was, and I’m a coach who has a very hard time keeping her mouth shut when I’ve got a living laboratory right before my eyes! Customers will blame anything hinting of monopoly behavior, an arrogant resting on laurels, or a recession cop-out attitude on you the owner, you the boss, you the manager. They will blame it on your poor leadership and management, and in my opinion, they’re right, for you’re better than that.

If you are committing the sin of mediocrity, allowing energy to drain out of your company, your business will die. Your customers may not have a choice now, but the day they do, it will be all over for you.

If you have customers right now, dazzle them

Please: Be Alaka‘i great. [From the archives: Can you define your Leadership Greatness?] Help your employees and every one of your business partners be great every single day, and with every single customer. Banish mediocrity by proactively choosing to lead and manage exceptionally well.

It is not that difficult knowing how to begin: Look at your business the way a customer does. Start where you can visibly see you need an infusion of fresh energy. We will talk more about this in my next posting on Thursday.

Turn your customers into raving fans who feel smugly smart for choosing you and giving you their money. When you do that, this negative, “oh woe is me” recessionary thinking will end for all of us. The raving fans you want talking about you (and writing about you) are those customers who feel savvy and in-the-know brilliant that they chose you: When someone recommends you to their family and their friends, the quality of their opinion is on the line, and they know it.

I am not giving up on my goal.

No way. If anything, I am more determined than ever to talk about Aloha-inspired Ho‘okipa customer service.

Has mediocrity been banished from your business? If you think your workplace has service levels which will dazzle me, please write and let me know about you.

And don’t waste your time telling me about your product features: Even a great product never reaches true excellence without a human service component attached to it.

On the other hand, if you are Aloha and Ho‘okipa exceptional, our Say “Alaka‘i” readers deserve to know about you, and I want to help them choose you and give you the patronage which will help you thrive.

Let’s talk story.
Any thoughts to share?

Photo credit: Hawaiian Time Hours by Rosa Say.

For those who prefer them, here are the Talking Story copies of the links embedded in this posting:

• Aloha Training? Make it all personal
• And in Aloha our government officials shall lead us
• Be a Deskless Manager: Ho‘o!
• Set your price, charge it, and stand behind it
• Lead the Slow Charge
• Alaka‘i Managers Coach, and they Facilitate
• We’re supposed to be good at being ‘local’
• If you want to know, ask!

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~ Originally published on Say “Alaka‘i”
June 2009 ~
The Biggest Sin in Business Today

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Reality Check: Is your track record actually bad enough to create a new business?

According to the CBS Evening News, that's what the airlines have done for at least half a dozen companies which now exist to offer door-to-door luggage service:

Baggage Quest founder Dave Williams says two years ago when he started the business, he shipped 2,000 bags. This year, he’ll ship 25,000.

“In my opinion, the airlines are understaffed and overwhelmed with the work right now,” Williams said.

I can relate. I do a lot of traveling, and like many other road warriors I know, I have an iron-clad rule for myself: If something doesn't fit in my carry-ons, it doesn't come with me. Female vanity has gone out the window --- I will wear it twice, or figure out how to get everything to match just one pair of shoes!

Checking luggage is a) time consuming and b) way too risky.

If I shop on a trip and add to my load, I will often ship my excess back home instead of checking my bag: I trust UPS, Fedex and those fantastic Flat Rate boxes offered by the good old Post Office way more than the airlines --- when I'm supposedly on the same plane!

On my last trip to speak on Kauai I had to take the risk because of some last-minute travel adjustments (long story) and guess what? Yep, bag got lost. I eventually got it back three days later (with everything still in it!) but the airline admitted they were completely mystified as to where it has gone to and traveled back from, it just showed up again (amazing what employees will honestly admit to you when you are nice to them).

Seems like a good thing to talk story about in your own business: Are there any ways that your customers have to compensate for the way you operate?

Mea Ho‘okipa Live Their Aloha Every Day

Talking Story has given me pure joy over the last month when I think about our Ho‘ohana Community. This was our eleventh forum on these pages and our twelfth one when I count A Love Affair with Books this past March on Joyful Jubilant Learning, and one might think that I have over-extended my welcome with you, and that you would start to ignore my requests to participate, especially with so many other forums to choose from as the blog-scape has grown. Not so.

You are stars. Your writing improves with every new entry, and beyond the pure BEing of the Mea Ho‘okipa you are, you dazzle me with your talent and your insight! You give ideas freely, you open yourself to conversation about them, and you support each other author-to-author with such intuitive empathy.

Know this: Your aloha spirit gets evermore enriched with the warmth of lokomaika‘i, the generosity that comes from good heart. I hope you feel this too; that you have received while giving.

There are times I think I could continue writing about the values of our lives forever, and this is one of them. They ARE universal, and they DO shape our lives because of the way they have shaped our CHOICES. Yet every day it becomes much clearer to me that I will never be able to learn all there is to learn about them in my lifetime —even those values which I am most passionate about.

These forums illustrate something for me that I say to my coaching clients and the managers and leaders I mentor over and over again, without a care about the possibility they may be tired of hearing it from me: We learn best from other people.

When others lay out their welcome mat, willing to share their experiences with you, stuff your pockets (and your head) with every shred of humility you have, and take off your shoes so your bare feet can feel each thread of that welcome mat. Open up your spirit and listen well, for another’s willingness to teach you their life-lessons-learned is the greatest gift they can give.

Mahalo nui loa. From my learner’s heart and the aloha of my soul’s spirit, my deepest gratitude to the very talented and giving authors and Mea Ho‘okipa who wrote for us this month. You are Kūpuna, my respected teachers.

Remember that these authors are your neighbors in our Ho‘ohana Community, and in this, my recap listing for our essays on Ho‘okipa, the value of hospitality, I have linked both their articles here and the sites at which they normally write so that you may visit them often. I know they have their welcome mats waiting for you there too.

So remember, step onto them with bare feet!

Our learning about Ho‘okipa:

Ho'okipa Via The United States Postal Service by Deb Estep, author of Deb Inside.

NEVER, EVER let anyone tell you that snail mail is a thing of the past. It’s almost as if the paper of the card or letter is ~charged~ with the Spirit of Ho’okipa. From your hand and heart, to the receiver’s hand and heart. A most powerful thing indeed!

Build Energy then Go Where the Energy Is by Lisa Haneberg, author of Management Craft, 2 Weeks 2 A Breakthrough, and Essay a Smile.

I just came back from a 40 day, 9,400 mile motorcycle book tour. I visited 34 states and connected with thousands of people. Long trips are great for helping us see patterns and insights we might otherwise miss.

Hospitality: Our Gatherings Seek to Meet a Need and Our Gatherings Nudge Us Toward Collaboration, both by Reg Adkins, author of Elemental Truths, Hero of the Week, and Faith Based Counseling.

Well guided gatherings have the following characteristics of hospitality ... A good meeting host knows the aspect of a meeting which embodies the feeling of professional hospitality.

Successful hosts guide discussions to involve all viewpoints and make sure group members know they have open-door access.

The Mingwe (Mingo) native peoples of the Appalachian mountains had a wonderful method for insuring every member of the group had an opportunity to participate in meetings and yet no one individual could monopolize the attention.

When matters were of significant importance to require a meeting of the group the host (usually the eldest member of the group) would begin the discussion by holding a symbol of attention (the talking stick).

Hospitality: The Key to Peace on Earth by Maria Palma, author of Customers Are Always, and The Good Life.

As I sit here and reflect on what hospitality means to me, I start to wonder how much better the world would be if each and every one of us was taught hospitality at a young age.  What if it were a class like English or Math?  Do you think the business world would be different?

Ho'okipa: A Mother's Love by Dave Rothacker, author of Rothacker Reviews and Radioback.

She was dog tired.  Worked nine hours, picked up Jen and Liz from day care, stopped by the grocery store, got home and made dinner, cleaned up and gave the kids a bath.  The kids weren't ready for bed so she read a little Dr. Suess to them. She heard the words coming from her mouth, but her mind began to drift...

Dissecting Hospitality and The Business End of Southern Hospitality by April Groves, author of My Beautiful Chaos and Making Life Work for You.

Hospitality is an idea. Ho'okipa is a series of events. A manner of treatment. A dedication to excellence. Take a new look at an old practice with fresh eyes.

Living in the South, the word "hospitality" gets used a lot. It is a badge of honor to be considered a good provider of "Southern Hospitality" in your home. This comes in the form of cold tea, hot biscuits, a good meal, and warm pie. You would never be rude to company - maybe family, but never company. A covered plate to take home would always be offered. Don't mind about returning the plate - you can keep it. Wonderful friendships are formed in these circumstances.

Writer, reader, place: writing with ho'okipa by Joanna Young, author of Coaching Wizardry and Confident Writing.

Hospitality has to start with ourselves.  ...That ho'okipa is about knowing who you are and where you've come from.  And more than that it's about respect and love for the place where you find yourselves.  That means creating a sense of  place: helping people to understand and love the place they are visiting, that sense of being at home. It's about knowing (and loving) the place that you've come from. And it's about respecting and sustaining the environment that has brought us together, has brought us here.

Hospitality is more than façades by Dwayne Melancon, author of Genuine Curiosity.

You walk into a hotel, and it has a terrific lobby - clean, comfortable, well-kept, and inviting. So far, so good. You walk up to the check-in desk for the next layer of hospitality opportunities. This is your first opportunity to see the hotel's true colors ...

No Requests Required by Carolyn Manning, author of Thoughts & Philosophies and Productivity Goal.

When Rosa first brought up the subject of hospitality, I thought it would be an easy topic to cover.  After all, we're surrounded with all manner of hospitality in our lives.  Ah, but therein lay the rub,  It's almost too much subject for one subject.

After some thought, though, the filament in the mental lightbulb vibrated to warmth and the brightest word was "surrounded".

Hospitality: It feels like home, by Phil Gerbyshak, author of Make it Great! and becoming widely known as The Relationship Geek.

I thought first of organizations that don't make me feel like home. ... Then, I thought of the organizations I give up more too. They often have a personal cry for help, make real connections with me, and I know a few of the others in the group. Occasionally when I see my friends that are involved, we mention the group, their mission, if it's still worth our time, and usually we agree it is, so I'll go to a fundraiser and give a bit more of my talent, treasure, and time.

Be worth copying by Rebecca Thomas, author of Rebecca Thomas Designs.

I was flabbergasted. As far as I knew, we’d just sat there, processed people in to the event, snacked, chatted, and generally had fun while we worked. I asked her what specifically she would be stealing, and she said it was all about my organization and the spirit I cultivated around the gate by including food and encouraging people to come visit and entertain us. By doing so little, I’d made the gate crew, the first people seen at the event, a lively, efficient bunch. Sometimes, providing good service is as simple as taking care of those who are supposed to be providing the service.

 

Maria Palma brought us an added treat: Welcome to the Customer Service Carnivale! with the ho'okipa generosity of eight more authors.

1. Matt Hanson presented Building Visibility with Promotional Umbrellas posted at Matt's Creative Advertising Blog.
2. Jason Rakowski presented CRM Software posted at Learn Good Customer Service.
3. Meikah Delid presented CustServ: Customer Relations: The New Competitive Edge posted at CustServ: Customer Relations.
4. Charles H. Green presented Soliciting Customer Service Feedback: Motives Matter posted at Trust Matters.
5. Kate Baggott presented A Child-Friendly Restaurant for Grown Ups posted at Babylune.
6. Carolyn Manning presented Business Productivity Has Responsibilities posted at ProductivityGoal.
7. Robyn McMaster presented Hospitality Stirs Serotonin posted at Brain Based Biz, and
8. Service Untitled presented Does Customer Service Come Naturally To You?

My own writing for you this month:

• Value kick-off on Managing with Aloha: Ho‘okipa, the Hospitality of Complete Giving

• Value kick-off here on Talking Story: Talks a bit about my own history learning about Ho‘okipa at work in Hawai‘i.

• Then, in the Writing Elsewhere category, a bloggy kind of Ho‘okipa I wrote as a guest author: A Cracker Jack® prize for Steve, and Get in the Feedback Loop.
  

• Books on Hospitality. Still trying to grow this list! Help me out.
  

• Hospitality and the Comforts of Home, with Company. Within this post, I also tell you about Danny Meyer's concept that Service is Monologue; Hospitality, Dialogue.

• Send that Blackberry to Solitary Confinement. Not your home turf? That is no excuse to stop being hospitable.

• Make Sunday your Day to Comment. If Sunday commenting became your new practice, you would learn and gain much enrichment from our month within hospitality.

• “Most people think of hospitality as a social grace, something you remember to do like mom taught you, when you know guests are coming to visit.” Or maybe not... maybe we need A charge for the Ho‘okipa Brigade: Social Graces

• How to Capture an Expert’s Value: 12 Tips. With Ho‘okipa as our focus for the month, it seemed like the perfect time to bring back this article, one I had written for Lifehack.org just short of two years ago.

• Like my book inquiry, this is one I hope you continue to add to! What are your interview questions for the Mea Ho‘okipa?

• What does your customer dream about? Ho‘okipa Coaching of the Day – Deliver on the Promise.

• The Customer and You; Together at Last! Customers and the businesses they patronize have a peculiar type of relationship most times.

• Are you a Hospitalitarian? Are you a Mea Ho‘okipa? Mea ho‘okipa are tireless advocates and builders of community, and here’s something else to understand about them: They advocate and build as well as they do as a “selfish act.”

• This is about curing a kind of workplace cancer. The Hospitality Cancer? Routine.

My last link for you is that for Rapid Fire Learning on Joyful Jubilant Learning this month: Keep in mind that you can learn with us there in the welcoming arms of 19 contributing authors --- and still counting! See Dean Boyer's August Challenge.

BE Mea Ho‘okipa. Aloha.

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Postscript: I WILL ask again! Our next Ho‘ohana Community Forum will be on Joyful Jubilant Learning through-out the month of September. If you want to be sure you are sent an invitation to contribute there, let me know!

Do you really need more convincing? Try these, all found at Joyful Jubilant Learning:

1. Learning through Blog Forums
2. Writing, Blogging, Business, and Learning Through it All
3. Write to Learn; Slow, Steady, Sure

Hospitality: It feels like home

When Rosa announced she was making Ho'okipa, the Hospitality of Complete Giving her theme for the month, I knew I had to get involved. After all, Rosa's Ho'ikipa is why I love to hang out at Talking Story; Rosa shares her hospitality and makes her blog feel like her home.

I thought first of organizations that don't make me feel like home. The ones who, after I sign up and or give a donation, put me on their anonymous mailing list that they send out quarterly and otherwise don't connect with me, unless they want more money or for me to volunteer for one of their fund raisers. Not very hospitable in my opinion, and thus they get very little of my time, talent and treasure, except for maybe once a year when I'm feeling generous (or is it obligated) and I send them a check for a few bucks to re-affirm my interest in being part of their "community," which is a community in their minds only.

Then, I thought of the organizations I give up more too. They often have a personal cry for help, make real connections with me, and I know a few of the others in the group. Occasionally when I see my friends that are involved, we mention the group, their mission, if it's still worth our time, and usually we agree it is, so I'll go to a fundraiser and give a bit more of my talent, treasure, and time.

Lastly, I was thinking, are there any organizations that give me true hospitality? Are there any organizations where I feel like a part of the family, not just a community of givers? And I thought of 1 organization that I gladly give my time as often as I can, my talents, by speaking at their chapter events around the country even though I have to take a day off work to do so, and my money, as I usually barely cover expenses with my speaking engagements and often don't ask to be reimbursed for all the expenses that are involved to be the local chapter president.

This amazing organization is HDI, leading IT service and support. As an IT Help Desk Manager, it could be very easy to get beat down and feel completely alone, as in each company, there's usually at MOST 1 person holding the position I do, and some companies don't even have a formal titled leader, they just have the team report up to some manager who, as part of his/her responsibilities, includes making sure all the metrics for the team are complete and that they're squeezing all the value out of the desk that they can.

So how does HDI do it? How do they create a Ho'okipa with an organization of IT service and support professionals? I'll share 4 great ways they do it for me:

No Requests Required

When Rosa first brought up the subject of hospitality, I thought it would be an easy topic to cover.  After all, we're surrounded with all manner of hospitality in our lives.  Ah, but therein lay the rub,  It's almost too much subject for one subject.

After some thought, though, the filament in the mental lightbulb vibrated to warmth and the brightest word was "surrounded".

Stop reading for a few seconds and allow yourself to take a deep, comforting breath of air.  Can't you feel it?  That breath of air is the very core of the hospitality of our Universe.  We're surrounded by it.

From the time before the dawn of our time, tables have been prepared and waiting for us with sumptuous feasts for the body, the spirit, the mind.  We've been freely given all the toys and tools, all the words and wisdom to grab hold of each star we see.  To each one of us has been handed a superlative life.  Even every plate of perceived unhappiness in our world is lovingly accompanied by sweet refreshment.

That, my friends, is the essence of hospitality.

Take the worthiness that is yours, and let the Fairies of the Universe assist you. Stop taking so much responsibility upon yourself, and live happily ever after. Shorten that crevasse between where you are and where you want to be, on every subject, to now, now, now, now, now. Ride the wave. Just pluck the fruit You don't have to be the one who puts it in the ground any more. You can just skip across the top of things and pluck the fruit of all of the things you want. Oh, fruit. Oh, delicious this, delicious this, delicious this, delicious this. In other words, its all right there for you; its ready for you to receive it as fast and as soon as you will vibrationally let it in. --Abraham-Hicks, Excerpted from a workshop in Boston, MA on Saturday, May 21st, 2005

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Guest Author: Carolyn Manning is the author of Thoughts & Philosophies, where she hosts a Blog Community Bloggers Carnival every Thursday - check out her next one!

Hospitality is more than façades

You walk into a hotel, and it has a terrific lobby - clean, comfortable, well-kept, and inviting. So far, so good.

You walk up to the check-in desk for the next layer of hospitality opportunities. This is your first opportunity to see the hotel's true colors:

• Do you greet me and make me feel welcome?
• Is my reservation correct, and is my room ready as expected?
• If something is not quite right, do you apologize and try to make it better?

I've found that most unsatisfactory hotel stays begin with an unsatisfactory check-in experience.

Lobby vs. rooms

As a frequent traveler, another common experience is the "fancy lobby, cruddy room" scenario. Sometimes it's the condition of the room (my non-smoking room obviously hasn't always been non-smoking, the room furniture is worn out or dirty, etc.).

Sometimes, it's that the room is just not set up for business travel (when I travel, I really need a place to work and some hotels misrepresent certain business amenities on their web sites). Have you ever stayed in a hotel room that has a desk, but the only phone is on the nightstand and the cord won't reach the desk? Or "in-room internet access" is really a dial-up data port on the phone? It's the 21st century, and I expect more.

I could go on, but my point is that these experiences often drive me to "write off" a hotel or even a hotel chain, and I will avoid staying there in the future.

How does your lobby compare to your guest rooms?

We all know first impressions are important. However, does your first presentation to others reflect what you'll be like down the road?

• What are you like when things don't go as expected?
• Do you take extra effort to be welcoming and comfortable throughout your guests "stay" with you?
• Do you set the appropriate expectations with others, and stand behind your commitments?
• If you fall short, do you take responsibility and try to make it right?
• Do you update your "amenities" when you find that they are not working for your "guests?"

If you were a hotel, how many stars would you receive?

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Our Guest Author: Dwayne Melancon is the author of Genuine Curiosity, where he is always on the lookout for new things to learn.

Dwayne is quite the seasoned traveler and road warrior, and lodging establishments everywhere would take heed in learning about those true signs of hospitality he looks for!
~ Rosa

What are your interview questions for the Mea Ho‘okipa?

In this month’s issue of Inc. Magazine, Leigh Buchanan writes,

When I interview job candidates I always ask: If we had a party, what would you bring? Some people come up with fun answers (one woman who was married to a radio personality offered to supply the DJ). Some offer panegyrics to their acclaimed artichoke purée with garlic pita crisps. Some say, "The napkins." And some look annoyed and ask me what I'm getting at.

I've always justified the party question as one that provides insight into a candidate's personality. And it does--a little. Mostly though, I ask it when I still have 10 minutes to kill before shuffling the poor applicant off to his or her next meeting.

Ms. Buchanan’s essay is actually written in another context about how we take candidates through the interviewing process, however, if you are looking to hire a Mea Ho‘okipa, the epitome of the graciously giving host or hostess, her question is a great one.

Those people who would then “look annoyed and ask [you] what [you’re] getting at” are definitely not Mea Ho‘okipa. If they were, they’d come alive at that point of the interview, and likely give you a rather long story of the last party they went to, or how they will normally embark on a mission to find the right ho‘okupu (hostess gift) to bring, for that is half the fun of it! To go empty-handed would be absolutely unthinkable. To re-gift something not originally and personally intended exclusively for the receiver? Pure blasphemy.

Yesterday I listened to call #2 in Marcus Buckingham’s Summer of Development Series. It covers his new book, Go Put Your Strengths to Work, and the call concentrated on a step he calls “Get Clear.” Buckingham coached us to very specifically define our strengths in terms of activities and not purely with the labels of assessment tests. He stressed that we need to trust in our emotions during our work activities: Others can tell us a better way to do certain things, but we ourselves will always be the expert authority on how we actually feel before, during, and after the doing of it. Rushes of positive emotion in the before, during, and after, are pretty clear telltale signs that those activities make us feel strong.

Said another way, ask a Mea Ho‘okipa Leigh Buchanan’s party question, and they will light up in that rush of emotion they feel about “the before”—deciding what to bring. They will continue to smile inside, thinking about that moment they present their gift, and they can even imagine, quite vividly, how they will feel afterwards. Their excitement at the prospect will barely be contained, and as interviewer, you’ll feel you can taste it in the air. This is the time for you to trust in your emotional intelligence!

If the job you are interviewing them for affords them with repeated opportunities to replay this scenario you are speaking of in the interview, what you have before you is a golden opportunity to match the need for hospitality in your business with the perfect person to give it. If I were you, I’d hire them on the spot.

Let’s talk story about this;

When you think of the hospitality you want to give in your particular business, what are the questions you would ask to discover if a candidate is truly Mea Ho‘okipa?

When would they “light up” for you, same as you want them to light up with your customer?

Let’s make this a participatory posting: Once you comment, I’ll pull your question up here and compose a more comprehensive interview cheat-sheet for us all to learn from!

The Business End of Southern Hospitality

Living in the South, the word "hospitality" gets used a lot. It is a badge of honor to be considered a good provider of "Southern Hospitality" in your home. This comes in the form of cold tea, hot biscuits, a good meal, and warm pie. You would never be rude to company - maybe family, but never company. A covered plate to take home would always be offered. Don't mind about returning the plate - you can keep it.

Wonderful friendships are formed in these circumstances. Conversation is lively, trust is established, and support is made available. Children, while rowdy, are well mannered. Adults, while opinionated, are respectful.

These life lessons learned have translated beautifully into my everyday business practices.

• My reputation as a real estate agent that conducts business with ho'okipa is my main priority. I consider it the greatest compliment for a client to say my service "must be that Southern Hospitality."
• Respect for others is a necessity. Really can't elaborate on that. It just is.
• It is important to give the client "a little something extra." If you are in a profession like mine, you know that there are others out there that can do what you do. Why should a client chose to 1) do business with you 2) continue to business with or 3) refer you to others? Because you did something special to make them feel special. Scott Ginsberg does an excellent job of brainstorming some phenom ideas.
• Your clients would like to get to know you. They want to know that you, likewise, are interested in them. Conversation is important - have it! Talk with your client, not at them. You will find that the entire relationship goes smoother because you have taken the time to truly understand them and build trust.
• Everybody benefits from good manners. These are simple common practices that say, with actions, "I respect you."
• We don't have to agree with everyone, but there is a way not to disagree. My mom always taught us, "You can say whatever it is you want to say, as long as you remember who you are saying it to." Clients come to us for direction. Sometimes that requires some education on things that are being done wrong. Be honest, but you can be constructive within the spirit of ho'okipa.

Creating a business practice centered on ho'okipa is not only an effective way to grow your client roster, but it is a display of personal character - and the world would benefit from a little more of that.

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About our Guest Author: April writes both My Beautiful Chaos and Making Life Work for You, a blog written for her real estate business. Her southern hospitality is very much in evidence on them both!

This is the second article that April has generously written for our Talking Story community forum on Ho‘okipa, the Hospitality of Complete Giving. Her first was called Dissecting Hospitality.
~ Rosa

How to Capture an Expert’s Value: 12 Tips

With Ho‘okipa as our focus for the month, it seemed like the perfect time to bring back this article, one I had written for Lifehack.org just short of two years ago.

Initially I felt a bit strange about writing this, not wanting my suggestions to sound like the personal laundry list of a presumptuous author, but it has since proved to be one that several of my customers and newsletter subscribers have told me they greatly appreciated, since booking speakers is not an everyday occurrence for them. So here it is again, just lightly edited without the holiday framing it first contained.

In one sentence, it describes what happens when someone hires me as a speaker, and they decide we’ll become friends with a professional relationship by the time the engagement is over.

Think about this for a moment. When you hire someone — to do anything for you, anything at all  — what lasting effect will they have on your life? What lasting effect will you have on theirs? What kind of opportunities might you be missing?

If you are going to spend some time with a new acquaintance, is that valuable time captured, or is it squandered away and wasted?

When you boil an engagement down to its essence, people want me to speak at an event because they are looking for some kind of inspiration or motivation. When they treat me as a vendor I do make sure they get that shot of inspiration they are expecting. However when they treat me as a prospective collaborator on their vision of greater possibility, that’s what they get.

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How to Capture an Expert’s Value: 12 Tips

In bringing Managing with Aloha to the world of business I speak a lot; everything from 20-minute keynotes to week-long seminars and retreats. I love it, and in this past week I’ve enjoyed some truly terrific speaking engagements. They were terrific because my clients were terrific, and I felt I wasn’t just a hired gun; we collaborated on the design of my presentation, and they gave me the opportunity to give more than just another speech.

With my very last presentation I had the pleasure of staying in a magnificent hotel, and part of my fee arrangement included an extra night’s stay so that I could end my time with them much more leisurely than I normally have the opportunity to do. Their offer was irresistible to me and I took advantage of it. Smartly, so did they; it was a win for both of us. They helped me create a defining moment for them and their company.

The entire experience caused me to reflect back on all my speaking over the last year, and I thought of all the clients associated with them — the good, the bad, and fortunately none I would call the ugly! With Ho‘okipa (the value of hospitality) so fresh in mind for us, I thought I’d share with you my best clients’ smarts.

There have been those clients who took full advantage of our engagement knowing how I am more coach than consultant by nature, and I think they were exceptionally clever. By the time our project was over they had received oodles of free coaching from me, and I didn’t mind one bit. In fact, they usually left me wishing that all my clients were just like them. This is how they did it.

A charge for the Ho‘okipa Brigade: Social Graces

Over at Joyful Jubilant Learning, I started an invitation to our Ho‘okipa forum of articles here like this; “Most people think of hospitality as a social grace, something you remember to do like mom taught you, when you know guests are coming to visit.”

Maybe not; my “most people” may have been an ambitious statement according to this, a Letter to the Editor in yesterday’s Honolulu Advertiser:

   Is common courtesy dying?
  Are we forgetting how to say “please” and “thank you?”
   Worse yet, are we serving as poor examples to our children with our inconsiderate and rude behavior?
   Almost daily, I hear customers use words to the effect of “Gimme” or “I need” when ordering food or coffee from employees at various locations.
   “Please” and “thank you” have all but disappeared from our vocabulary.
   Lately, I’ve noticed the same behavior by children.
   Have we forgotten the “magic words” we learned from our parents?
Thank you,
Mal Gillin, Kailua

Then, moments after putting the paper aside, I read a story at Rich Griffith’s place, about someone who is giving up on his job altogether because he has had it with the inconsideration and drag on his life by his customers: Not just another cog... It made me feel incredibly sad.

Seems social graces need a comeback. Sounds like worthwhile work for all of us as a ho‘okipa brigade, don’t you think?